yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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