You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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