this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
