My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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