So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
