Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
