Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
