When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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