When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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