Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
