She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
