He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
