..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
