Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
