Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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