She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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