glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
