Can i not drive my cunt home
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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