I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize