There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
