I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
