Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Congratulations! We have a period
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