that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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