Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize