I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize