I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
