I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
