Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
