between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
