So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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