we made out on top of his cat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
