How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
