you traded sex for a burrito?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
