The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
