Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
