they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
