I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
