My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
