rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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