You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
