Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
