he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
