I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
