I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
