Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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