Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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