i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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