its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
