I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
