just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
