i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
