But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
