I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
