Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
