i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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