Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
