he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize