Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I understand Curling. That high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
