If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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