they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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