No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
