once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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