what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
