non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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