Sponge bath it is.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
